Everyone has bad days. Weeks, sometimes even months. For me, this year has been the most heart wrenching, trying, and depressing year of my life.
Last October I was knocked out by my abusive BiPolar boyfriend (whom I have children with, and stayed with because I believed I could help his disease).
In January, he told me that he had cheated the entire 6 years we were together (complete with pics and very detailed explations). He also began torturing me on social media, email and texts and publicly dissecting my body and comparing me to other women he had slept with all over my Facebook and Instagram. The torturing continued until the end of February, which put me in a horrible depression that killed my kids to see.
March was a good month and I finally starting feeling great about myself and my new Real Estate career(I started in Jan).
April 3: I received the call that my father had passed very very unexpectedly.He was only 51and we had planned to use this year to strengthen our relationship. We have had some disagreements in our past and we wanted this year to be the start of our new closeness. He had planned to visits to see me this summer. He never got that chance.
Two weeks later I totalled my car, which was the only posession that I owned of my own. It was a blow i didn’t see coming. One reason was probably because it was my first real accident, and it took my transportation.
I met someone at the end of that month though, who made me want a relationship again, and I hoped for better days.
The next few months my phone (with my dad’s pictures of his service, and years of texts exchanged ) was destroyed by my 2 year old who threw it in the toilet. My middle child also decided to give my, very long and hard to grow hair, a very short bang as a bonus that same month.
And I bet you can’t believe there’s more ….
I lost my job. I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t breathe without the pain burning me. It was a very hard thing for me bc I exploded with success my first 4 months and then my dad’s death halted it all.
Then I found out that my new boyfriend, who had moved in by then…. Cheated. Follow that by discovering my best friend had been stealing money from me since my dad’s death, and cleaned out my account the day before my birthday. My first without my dad, and I was saving money so I could attempt to get out and smile. I spent the day and night crying in my bed instead.
October came and I still hadn’t figured out my career or even a job and my lease was up. My abusive ex’s dad offered my kids and I a place to go. The place that I spent 6 years going through hell with his son and had been eventually knocked out. I had no choice.
We’ve been here for three weeks, and even though I started feeling like myself again… I was having problems dealing with my ex’s dad’s treatment toward me, triggering the PTSD i now have, from his son.
Tonight it came to a head. After being treated the same is son treated me (all day!!), My body began to tremble like it’s never done, and I ended up screaming. I have to be out with my kids tomorrow.
I have no money right now, and no car to move my things, and absolutely no where to go. My entire family is in another state and my daughter can’t go with if I leave…. So I’ve been stuck here alone for awhile.
I just need money to cover a down payment (first&last month rent/etc) for a place for my 3 beautiful babies, and myself. I will also need a deposit for electricity, and money to rent a truck to move us.
It’s embarrassing to ask people I don’t know to help me…. But I have never been so low, and so completely out of options and time. I’m ready to start succeeding again, but I can’t if every chance for a breath… Im pulled under deeper.
Honestly, absolutely anything will help. Thank you for just reading this long thing.
I hope you never find yourself so low that you think the world has gone black. It’s heartbreaking.”